Waiting for the 1st!

As a Mom, from the second your child takes their first breath you are constantly looking for their firsts.  First dirty diaper means their kidneys are functioning properly.  First successful latch on means now you are an official traveling food cart for your child and they are on the road to being the healthy chubby Gerber baby you dreamed of.  And these are just the 'firsts' in the first few hours of life.  From day one onward you are on the lookout. 

Of course, as any good Mother, you read every possible journal, periodical, baby book, and Google search to learn when all these first things should be happening.  You get nervous when their first hasn't happened at the same time little Timmy's first happened.  Try as we can not to compare our children to others, we can't help ourselves.  It's human nature.  Why is that kid running and mine is rolling like a top from room to room?  We want the firsts to happen quickly!

Once they finally walk, string some words together that make a somewhat intelligible sentence, and are able to interact with others without biting, you figure you are over most of the major hurdles.  Well....Take a breathe. Enjoy the moment and realize the walking and the talking was nothing.  The big stuff, the major FIRSTS are still to come.  My oldest daughter turned eight this year.  We are no longer Gabby, we want to called Gabriella.  She will walk with me but only until we reach the school and then it's super fast walk in hopes of losing me in the halls.  She has a style, an opinion, a little crush (though she will shoot you the 'no way' eyes if you ask her).  I love this little person and all these changes.  But I can't help but realize that with all this change there are bound to be some 'firsts' in our horizon.  It's inevitable.  Firsts that I'm sure will be hard, that will challenge all of us, and will break a few hearts.  

So with the first of the year coming, I stop and reflect on all those marvelous firsts and wish for a moment that I had stopped and maybe not wanted them to come so fast.  Because some of the ones that are going to be coming, I'm going to wish they would hold off another few years.

The Rock Star Turns 2

Hard to believe the smallest member of the band turned two today.  Now since this is my last child, I have consciously made an effort to slow down and enjoy the process.  I'm not as concerned about the house being spotless.  If sweet pea wants to read a book and the dishes need to be washed, well then the dishes wait until we read.  But even with all this meandering through life and smelling roses and what not, two years has still flown by.

I guess it hit me the most the other day when I went out to the living room only to find the big girls had taken Jess with them on their outside adventure.  At first I panicked.  "Be careful with the baby!"   But when I went outside, there was "the baby" hanging out digging with her sisters  just as content as could be.  And when I looked at them it wasn't like looking at my two big girls and the baby, it was like looking at my three girls.  My baby was not a baby anymore. She was holding her own. 

What I'm still a little stumped on is what is this little person going to be like?  I have to be honest, she has been such a joy to get to know.  Anyone that knows me at all, knows that I am completely enamored with my kids.  But this one has me completely smitten.  If the big crystal blue eyes (thank you my sweet husband) don't rope you in, then the infectious laugh and just basic love of life and music might win you over.  Anywhere we go that she hears music she gets that booty rockin and a big smile on her face.  Hard not to fall in love with that.  She has taken to trying to manage the radio from the backseat.  If she doesn't hear a song she likes I quickly hear, "No mama song".  After one car ride of hearing that from almost 20 minutes, well let's just say I always bring my own tunes.

Her vocabulary is expanding by the day.  According to all the grandparents she has the biggest vocab out of all the kids at this age.  Of course, I remind them that they said that about all the kids.  Jess isn't quite as pleased with her vocabulary though and when she can't quite find the right words has recently taken to pulling hair.  Very reminiscent of her older sisters.  Ah yes - one was a biter and one a hitter.  Good times.  So she has a nice strong will. I always say that isn't a bad thing.  Not so fun to raise, but definitely a trait you want your kids to possess.  One of the nicest traits I see so far is that she is easy to jolly along.  Jess can be screaming one minute and then the next she is laughing hysterically.  That is just a good natured baby to the core.

So if I've learning anything from my extensive seven years (hee hee) of being a Mother it's that I don't think I'm going to be able to figure out who Jess is yet.  Chances are I won't ever totally nail her down.  But I sure am enjoying getting to know her.  What a wonderful child and one that I am Oh So Proud to call mine.

I love you my week Dancing Queen.  Happy 2nd Birthday Jessamine Mae.

It's supposed to come naturally right?

I was talking with a friend about a mutual friend that just had a baby. She was telling me about how the new mommy is finally getting into the swing of the breast feeding and the baby is getting bigger, etc, etc.  This Mom is the epitome of an earthy Mom.  She wanted a birth at home, natural baby clothes and cloth diapers for the baby.  You get the idea. So to be struggling with something so natural as breast feeding was killing her.  I just remember thinking the same thing with Gabby.  Here I was with my first.  I got these HUGE knockers and just couldn't figure out how to make it all work.  Seemed like it shouldn't be that hard.  Screaming baby.  Big full boobs.  Yep that seemed like a 2+2 equation, but it really was not that easy.  But isn't that like parenthood in general?

I can tell you that my idea of being a parent before I had kids was so far from what it is now that I actually have my three darlings.  My pre-kid images definitely matched more of the Pampers commercials, Hallmark movie specials, kind of feel. Woman has a child.  Naturally fits into being the perfect Mother.  Kids grow into  overly intelligent/athletic/Olympians by the age of 10.  All naturally perfect.  The reality is the only thing that comes naturally to me is loving them. All the rest of this parenting stuff is foreign and half the time I think they can tell I'm making it up as I go along.   

I thought about my new Mommy friend for the rest of the day and I just wanted to tell her to give herself a break.  Yeah we were blessed (not so sure about that) with being able to provide but that doesn't mean we necessarily can or even want to.  Our baby won't think any less of us.  We aren't naturally going to know the right answer always, but as long as our kids know they have a brick to fall back on if they need it, they will be strong little people.  And if every day we try to help guide them into being the best people they can possible be then we have used our biggest natural ability, love, to it's fullest.

Coffee Buddy Turns 6!

My sweet darling girl, Alex, just turned six on April 1st.  Out of the three kids, this one looks the most like me. Doesn't hurt we have the same hair do.  However, on the inside she is a lot like Daddy. Last year was probably the best year for us.  When I was struggling getting Gabby to school she would look up with those big blues and say 'Mom you look like you could use a trip to the good coffee shop.'  She was also the one that ran to the girls bathroom at school and got me a big wad of tissue to wipe my eyes after a particularly trying morning with G.  Basically, this kid knows me and knows exactly the right thing to say and do.  Just like Daddy.  

Alex is the classic middle child.  She goes with the flow, plays by herself, and just generally keeps her head down and out of trouble.  But as I've watched her this year, she has gone from this shy introvert into this brave, confident kindergartner.  She loves school. She loves playing with her friends.  If she can't find a friend to eat with, she doesn't rock in the corner like I thought she might.  She is so much braver and confident than I gave her credit for.  To sum it up, I'm super proud of her. 

I must admit that my heart ached this year taking her to school.  I became so dependent on my time with her.  Our special time.  She is the type of kid that needs tons of love but would never ask for it.  Comes with being shy I guess.  She will forever be misunderstood. It comes across that she doesn't care, but she cares twice as much.  My oldest runs into a room and announces she needs love and attention. Alex, having had a worse day, drops everything and gives it to her and doesn't ask for anything in return.  And you would think with all this giving she would at least turn around and give her baby sister a little kick every now and then.  Nope, can't even say she does that.

So she won't come into a room and suck the air out.  But she can definitely crack a room up with her one liners.  All kids do funny things and will say things that are funny.  This kid has good delivery.  That is priceless and definitely not something you can teach them.  You got it or you don't.  She is such a brainiac I always think she will end up as a doctor or a scientist, but who knows maybe she'll be the next David Sedaris.  I need a good funny read.

All I know is that I love this kid.  She keeps me sane and that is saying a lot in this house.  I miss her with me at home everyday still after a year in school.  I'm so proud of the little person she is becoming and how different she is from her sisters.  I can't wait to watch my Rose bloom.

I love you Alexandra.

Being a Mom is great, just don't look like one

Ok this is a silly one I will admit.  Recently I got my hair cut.  For some reason I got a wild hair (hee hee) and decided to let my hair dresser have her way.  Before I knew it I had bangs, layers, way shorter than I wanted, whole new look.  I looked like a Mom.  When I left I half expected to see a mini van parked where my hip 4 Runner resided.

I'm not a huge hair person.  It doesn't totally define me.  Or I should say it didn't define me. For some reason I struggling with this new do.  I look around at school drop off and every other mother looks like me.  Throw me in some uggs, designer sweats, latte in one hand, and of course the "I'm busy, I'm a Mom" look and I would get lost in the crowd.  Now that last sentence might have been a little harsh. I know Moms sometimes are wrestling the kids and just can't fit in a shower.  Trust me, I get it.  No one knows difficult morning people like I do.  The the Mom uniform is just something I personally try not to wear everyday.  Alas, my mommy brain has taken me on a tangent.

Seriously though this hair cut has been an eye opener. Suddenly I'm looking at my face and noticing all the wrinkles.  When did that happen?  I went to go put on a cute top and decided that looked a little too young for me.  I've aged almost instantly over night.  Now, I know getting older isn't all bad. I'm actually totally happy with my life and this stage.  I would maybe try to slow it down a little so I could enjoy my babies growing up, but I'm pleased.  Why does it matter I have a Mom cut.  I am a MOM.  And those wrinkles; well years of 'Mom are you sleeping' interruptions at night and worrying about them, have given me the right to have them.

So I guess looking like a Mom isn't all bad.  It's just strange when you wake up one day and realize that people only know you as [insert kids name]'s Mom.  And it's hard to look in the mirror where there was once this young face staring back and now there is a Mom, a tired looking Mom at that.  But would I trade my kids in just to get that youthful glow back?  As Jess would say, "No Way!".

Can't we all be the same

During the past year I have discovered probably the hardest part of being a parent.  Yeah the different personalities can be trying. The fact that you can't parent everyone the same, is huge as well.  But probably the hardest thing is when one of your kids is shining and the other is just floating along.

My girl Gabby is one of the most creative people (including adults) that I know. She is the worlds best friend, a kind soul, a true lover of life.  But when it comes to reading, that girl just doesn't get it.  Now, yes in the big scheme of life we can hope that will be her only issue. But trust me when your younger daughter is reading full blow novels and your oldest is still sounding out 'cat', that pulls a little on the heart strings.

What do we want most as parents? For our kids to be happy and not to struggle in life.  When you look down and see a disappointed and deflated little person it's sad.  And I can't help but feel slightly guilty.  Your kids are a product of you right?  Here we have Rick that read at 4 and Alex is a super star reader. Doesn't take a brain surgeon to know where that kid got her smarts.  Does that mean poor Gab is going to take after ole Mom?  I mean she's already excelling in social skills, my strength.  She has the quitter attitude, yep that's from me too.  Man oh man did she get the bad reader gene from me too?  I guess it's silly to think you only pass on the good stuff to your kids.  So I wonder if I'm more disappointed that she isn't picking up reading or am I more disappointed that she isn't picking up reading because of my brainiac genes running around in her head?  Now don't take that statement as admittance that I'm a full blown idiot.  I did manage to struggle through college and there are some things that I do very well.  Don't ask me to list them, I'm at a blank. See bad brain.  But I guess I was hoping that my kids wouldn't have to struggle in anything.   

Well if I have to flip it around at least I can say Gabby will know what its like to work hard.  If stuff comes too easy, people think they don't have to work at anything.  So I guess it's a good thing.  Character developing and all.

I keep telling her that in a few years she is not even going to remember struggling to read.  This struggle will be a distant memory.  But should I really be saying, 'this memory will be distant but there will be another struggle you're working on'?.   And in turn another ulcer for me.  Probably.  But I guess it's good to see your kid struggle and also to see how you deal with it as a parent.  Do you rise to the occasion and do everything humanly possible to help them?  Or do you sit wringing your hand asking why?  Well, if you're me, maybe a little of both.