It's flying

We recently took a family trip to the beach. My kids absolutely love the beach! If the sun is up great. If it's not, that's okay too. So there I sat shivering in my two jackets, watching my wave princesses frolic around in their bikini's loving every second of being there. My husband and middle darling took a walk while the baby, Gabby, and I stayed at our temporary beach home a.k.a. the towels. I watched my oldest run down to the waters edge and come back up smiling and laughing holding the biggest bucket of water she could carry. But when I blinked there was my 18 month old running up the beach towards me. My mind clearly pictured the red and blue bathing suit, the golden ringlets dancing in the sun, and those cheeks bobbing up and down while she ran. I remember thinking I had never seen something so gosh darn cute in my entire life.

Now where did the time go? I realize that my baby is only six years old, but how did that happen? I remember when she was a baby how I wished for those milestones to click off. Wishing for her to walk. Wishing for the potty training stage to end - and boy, did she make me wait for that. Wishing for her to stop drinking from the bottle and just drink real milk. Basically I wished for her to grow up. Now all I can do is try to catch my breath and not be totally overwhelmed by how fast the growing up process is happening. I will admit that some days I love how mature and old she is getting. I feel like we have real conversations. I get glimpses of how we'll be some day enjoying a glass of wine together and laughing. Like my Mom and I. But then there are the other days when I would pay to go back and slow it down and enjoy it.

I guess this reminiscing is what makes me enjoy my final baby even more. The oldest I was rushing, the middle I was too tired to enjoy, but my baby is my final chance. She is the last shot I get at trying to soak up the babyness. Now I know, everyone tells you to enjoy it. But isn't the real reason everyone says that is because they didn't actually do it. Do you ever hear someone say, "boy I really slowed down and just enjoyed my kids being kids". Yeah well I wouldn't believe it even if I heard that. But...mark my words I'm going to enjoy this one. And just try to hold onto those few memories I have of my other two actually being babies.

Oh and I'll be sure to tell new parents to enjoy it because it goes fast. But I think I'll add in the line "because I didn't".

What I don't want to be like

One of the first thing you do when you have kids is come up with a list of all the things you don't want to do as a parent. The "my Dad used to do that" or "God when my Mom used to" comments all come flaring up to the forefront and right then and there you decide you are never going to make those mistakes or act that way. In essence you decide YOU will be the perfect parent. Well as the years go on you discover your parents weren't that bad and some of their traits, rules, etc. weren't really sooo horrible. You say all that because it's really just justification for why YOU have become your parents. And yes, you can fight it, but it's tough when you're going up against your genes, your core being.

I've decided that this whole parenting thing may take me a while to figure out. Let's face it, I've never been a quick study. I thought I might aim a little lower and say that as a Grandmother, I will not be like my parents or like myself as a parent. Now that isn't to say I haven't gotten some really great things from all my folks. And for better or worse, I am who I am because of them. Heck, I am the parent I am because of them. Suffice to say, I'm pleased with some things and could kick the rest. So I figure I will take the next 30 odd years and try to figure this whole parenting thing out and then I will be #1 Grandparent. And yes, I will wear the "I'm the Grandparent That's Cool" t-shirt. I'll be the one you want to visit, the one you want to spend a week at summer with, the one that tolerates you even when you are acting your very worst because I knows you are a little love under that crazy exterior. In essence, I'll be my Mom, as a Grandma.

In my eyes, she was the worlds best Mom. But I can tell you that as a Grandma, she rocks. Sure some days are better than others. Isn't that the case for all super heroes. But, I can tell you that she gets the biggest smiles, the best crayon pictures, and (best/worst of all) she gets the kids in their true form. They are so comfortable with her, they are honest with their feelings. When they get mad, they stomp. When they are fed up, they scream. Ok, that doesn't sound so great. But...it means they are comfortable with her. They love her like a parent. And that is just what I want to be when I'm a Grandma.

But I still have some practice to do.