One for the books

So my Gabby girl has been waiting for the last year to get a Husky Hero bracelet. What pray tell is this? Well the school recognizes kids that are cooperative, helpful, caring, etc. Basically kids that love the school and are good people. Hello that's my girl. Each week at all school sing, they draw five names from a bag and I sit anxiously wondering if I will hear my girls name. Well it didn't happen all last year and it hadn't happened yet this year either. Now luckily Gabby is the kind of kid that gives it a 'oh well' and still goes on doing good. But as a Mom you want each and every little dream your kid has to come true. Especially one so easy as this.

Today was all school sing again and I drug myself and my stroller bound toddler to the gym. Don't get me wrong I truly (and I'm being honest) love to hear little kids sing off key. Especially when two of those little angels are your own. Both girls looked around to see if I was there and gave the excited wave. I just love this age where it's still ok to love your Mom. I treasure it because I know the day will pass. So I sat through song after song, learned some new sign language, and jollied my toddler along. Finally they got to the Husky Hero awards. They first asked if there were any kids that had a special adult they wanted to recognize. Alex's teacher got called up so that made me smile. But I really wanted to get to the kids. Come on already! Well you can tell where I'm going with this...my Gabby's name got called. To watch the smile come over this kids face would have melted any mother's heart. She beamed, she quick hugged her sister, and she gave me the sweetest 'I did it Mom' look. Ok yeah I cried. After the sing when they all were walking back to class I waiting just to give my girl a little wave. But instead she ran up to me, gave me a big hug, and said 'I got it Momma'. And I'll admit, I carried that high with me the entire day.

But...the best part of the day was still to come. When I was driving with Gab and Jess to pick up Lex from a playdate Gabby said, 'You know Momma I really wanted to raise my hand and recognize you for a Husky Hero. But I just wasn't sure what to say because you are just so wonderful.' Gotta tell you, those words right there were better than any plastic bracelet.

When you sign up to be a parent you know it's going to be long hours and mostly thankless work. You get rewarded in smiles and agree to be the bad cop and punching bag when needed. It's rare when a kid will stop and tell you exactly how appreciated you are. Now I don't need thanks or appreciation but I can tell you, I loved it. This day is one for the memory book. I will treasure it and hold it dear. And when that same little gal is standing 10 years from now in my kitchen telling me that I'm ruining her life and she hates me, I'm going to pull out this memory and remember that at that moment on that particular day I was a wonderful Mom.

Where has the time gone

Well my oldest is on the eve of her seventh birthday. How that time got away from me I will never know. Picture a loosely curled blond haired girl running through the sand, shouting at the birds, while laughing all the while. That is the best image I could think of to describe my girl. Her hair is curly and always wild. She has energy to spare. She is strong willed and opinionated, but oh so loving. Her laugh is highly contagious. If you couldn't tell I really like this little gal.

When I brought her home a whole 5lbs, 12 ounces, I thought this tiny being was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. She looked like a cross between my Mom and Rick. Even though he would deny seeing any resemblance of him. Since she was so tiny and born five weeks early I drove myself crazy making sure she ate enough, slept enough, reached all major milestones, etc. Basically I coddled her to pieces. Over the years she has proven to be a little challenging to raise. With each new addition to the family, the adjustment period has been long and trying. At one point last year, Rick and I barely had an evening where we weren't teary eyed talking about what to do with our little miss. But we survived, only slightly damaged. And I learned a lot about myself as a person and parent along the way. I'm definitely not the parent now that I was seven years ago.

This year we have had the privileged of watching her develop into a beautiful girl. I've never met anyone in my life that had such a strong idea of self. She loves her family. She is the best caregiver, most creative artist, and truly a loving soul. If I need an honest opinion I trust hers.

Somedays I think she is really my role model/parent instead of the other way around. I wish I had her passion and determination. There is no doubt in my mind that she will conquer the world and make friends while doing it.

Now I have a list of life regrets, but marrying my husband and having three wonderful kids are not on the list. They truly define who I am. All four are the greatest thing about me. So on this birthday eve, I find myself with mixed emotions. On the one side I will miss my 2.5 year old baby storming into the hall to tell me 'you are being ridiculous and I am being difficult' and the other side I am loving watching this little girl turn into a young woman. I am so proud of my girl and can't wait to see how she keeps growing and changing.

I know the dreaded tween and teen years where good old Mom is the enemy and can do no right are not too far away. I expect it and have seen tiny glimpses of it, but I'll survive. I know someday the two of us will sit and have a glass of wine and laugh about her childhood. Next to my husband, my mom is my best friend. I hope Gabby and I will have that someday. She is definitely someone I will want to know.

So to the world I say, 'stand back, hold on, my girl is coming.'
To her sisters I say, 'watch and learn from your big sister and know that if you need a friend, she is the best one you will ever have'.
To the grandparents I say, 'enjoy her while she still thinks you make the world turn. And love her for who she is, which is a pretty great gal'.
And to my love all I can say is, 'this has been an adventure so far and I'm sure the adventure will continue. But I can't think of anyone I would rather face these challenges and joys with. You are the world best Dad and Gabby is the loving wonderful gal she is because of you'.
Finally, to my Gabby I say, 'you've come a long way baby. I'm proud of the person you are. I admire your passion and spirit. Remember always be true to who you are. You have a better sense of self than a seven year old should have. Be true to that. And most of all, remember you are loved and that is the most important thing in the world.'


I love you my girl.
Happy Birthday

Where to Spread the Worry

Ever find yourself waking up, listening to the birds, thinking 'wow I have nothing to worry about, what a great day'? Well, I don't. Now that's not to say that there aren't moments in the day that I don't feel relaxed and just able to take it all in and enjoy. But...the majority of my waking (and truth be told, non waking moments) are spent worrying about someone.

Case in point. It was brought to my attention by my oldest daughters teacher that she needs a little more work on the sight words. Now this didn't come as a major surprise. I know my daughter and I know where her interests lie and I can tell you it is with a paintbrush and not so much the words. But it still bothered me to hear the teacher point this out. I guess I was hoping I could get her caught up before anyone noticed. Yeah right I know, those teachers are pretty smart. So I have popped into action with handouts, games, and m&m incentives. Basically when we aren't swimming, eating or sleeping, we are doing something learningish. I know in my heart she is smart and will get it and I guess the part that bothered me was that I know this is just the first of many little hiccups in her life.

You think that all you want as a parent is for your kids to be happy. But, come on, that isn't all we want. I want my kids to be happy, social, civic minded, community service oriented, healthy, athletic, artistic, caring, loving.....seriously I could go on and on. My biggest question is if they were happy would I stop worrying? Or would I just find something else to worry about. Take a kid that doesn't fit in, doesn't have any friends, but is doing well in school and appears to be happy. Does that parent so 'oh well' to the rest and take on the 'at least they are happy' mentality? I guess you have to. You can lead, assist, influence, but in the end they are what they are.

So I sit back and think how happy I am my middle child loves school and is social. I smile thinking about how my baby is finally liking her daycare and is adjusting to being away from Mom. And I try to focus on my oldest being happy and just have faith that the rest will all work out. Am I still going to lose sleep over my kids, you betcha.

Big Girls

Well today is the official first day back at school. We got lunches packed, outfits laid out, hair do's created and still made it on time. There is all this planning and prepping but the feeling that you get when you look ahead and see your little girls strolling up to the big gates of school, that is a hard emotion to plan for.

Unfortunately my rock couldn't make it today, so I had to big girl it up myself. I kept thinking of things Rick would say. "This is a good thing." "She is so ready for school." "This is an exciting time." And yes, that's all true. But when it was time to leave Lex sitting on the carpet my heart just broke a little. She's my buddy. My morning coffee gal. And truthfully without her home, I feel a little lost. I'm looking forward to time with Jess and just getting a chance to catch me breath. But I do miss my girls.

My friend came over with her two girls and we were talking about the first week. I was really pleased that she was feeling exactly like I was. We both love our girls and love doing things for and with them. Personally I think I am too dependent on my kids. They are my happy thought. They complete me. And that scares me a little. I don't want to be rocking myself in a corner for weeks after they leave for college. I don't want my Mommyness to totally define who I am. So if anything this week, I got a little slap in the face. Come on now, your kids are going to leave and start the pull from Mom and Dad. It's good. It's normal. And oh so painful.

So I am setting some personal goals. I need some hobbies that fulfill and complete. I need to steal some time away with just my love so we can stay connected as a couple. Basically I need to find me. But for this week, I'm going to sulk just a little. I'm going to roam around directionless. I'm going to allow myself to soak in the change and figure out how to operate without my Lexi and my Gabby setting the tone. Those personal goals will just have to wait till next Monday.

Clocking Out

Unfortunately a good chunk of motherhood feels like, dare I admit, work. You throw on so many hats in a day, its hard not to feel like a worker bee.

The Waitress Job
Kids - "What's for breakfast"
Waitress - "Buttermilk pancakes"
Kids - "Is that all?"

Exit Waitress who runs to the kitchen, makes the pancakes from scratch, pours the milk, brews the coffee, tries her best to creatively shape the pancakes into appealing kid shapes, brings the food to the table, calls the kids to breakfast, call the kids again, screams for the kids to bring their lovely bottoms to the table, retrieves the pancakes from the table to zap since they are cold, sits down to enjoy breakfast, leaps up to mop up spilled milk, clears the table, loads the dishwasher, returns to her own untouched breakfast to discover someone has removed the whip cream and strawberry's from her own plate, then decides to forget breakfast since it's time to make lunches.

Trust me their are many other roles where the scrips runs about like the above. Now, don't get me wrong, payment of smiles and pictures of rainbows are enough to keep me going. But, like all employees when the time has come for me to clock out for the night, I want to be done. I pride myself on running a fairly streamlined evening program. There is dinner, baths, occasional dance mania, books and then to bed. I will allow for the occasional re-tuck, book retrieval, or cold water gathering. However, if I have too many requests, I have the strong need to pull out my timecard and start demanding my time and a half. I realize that I'm a salaried employee that isn't paid by the hour, but I get resentful of people cutting into my non-work time. As a Mom you feel like the amount of time that you actually just get to think about nothing but yourself is about 2% of your day. So when the boss starts asking for part of that 2%, I'm irked (my middle child's new favorite word - love it).

And like any disgruntled employee, do I have an answer, a solution to this problem. Nope, I'll just write in my blog and pour myself a glass of wine and remember that this is the job of a lifetime and someday I'll miss it.

Defintion of a Mom

So when I finally got the little people down for the evening I sat myself down, pulled out my cut out fabric and started working on a skirt for Gabby. You may be thinking "oh how excellent, you sew". Actually, no I do not. Just getting my bobbin (is that the right word) threaded was a feat in and of itself. And yes the machine jammed. And yes I had to attempt to pull mechanisms apart and cram them back together. But, at the end of the night I had sewed what looked like an actual skirt. Well, an actual skirt made with love. I refuse to call it loving hands of home.

This is going to sound a little strange and I'm sure it will invoke a few "huh" comments, but I truly believe that I should sew. Let me rephrase...I think as a Mom I should know how to sew. And yes, I'm a fairly liberal, women studies minor type person so that's a pretty strange Susie Homemaker comment coming from me. But darn it, I believe it. I started to think more about this idea I have of what traits I should have. So, if I was going to post a job for myself here are the top 10 requirements:

1) Mom should be able to sew a simple skirt (not talking Project Runway here)
2) Mom should be able to assemble a basic Halloween costume - sew, staple, glue gun (personal fav) or whatever mean to make it happen
3) Mom should have a fall back, never fail chocolate chip cookie recipe. And be able to sense when the day requires that cookie to make it all better.
4) Mom should be able to throw a birthday party that will ooh, ah, and most importantly make that recipient feel like the luckiest little person in the world.
5) Mom should be able to make coffee, scramble eggs, feed baby, and do a french braid. And yes, all at the same time.
6) Mom should be able to reach into the depths of the drawer and find the only pair of non itchy matching socks (for 3 kids)
7) Mom should be able to determine when to tickle and when to hug
8) Mom should be able to pull together a dynamite dinner or at the least know where the number is to have it delivered
9) Mom should always have band aids and know the special rub/blowing of imaginary magic powder to relive pain
10) Mom should lie awake at night thinking about the little people and their little troubles and how to fix it all. And even with only 4 hours sleep, she better be ready to address all those troubles, put out all those fires, and make sure her little customers head off for the day with a smile and not a worry on their minds.

I would love to tell you that I have these all mastered myself. I do make a mean chocolate chip cookie and I'm hell on wheels with my glue gun. I definitely don't think all Mom's need to do these things. This is just what I feel like I should bring to the table. So, yes I will keep attempting to sew those made with love, crazy hemmed garments. And I will attempt to pull all the troops together for a wholesome breakfast of whatever the heck I could cook up when I wasn't brow beating them to brush teeth, put on shoes, etc. But the reason I will do it is because I love being a Mom and I take my job seriously. Whether or not I need to, I give myself a report card and I just keep trying to bring up the grade.

Where in the World have you been?

Yes, I know. You don't have to tell me it's been forever since I've written in my blog. Trust me, I know. Do I have a great excuse? Nope. Let's just say that summer with all the little people home 24x7 has not left me with much bon bon eatin, nap taken, blog writing time. But I'm back.

So let me step back a few months and mention that on June 8, 2010 our newest addition turned one-years old. Jessamine Mae (Jess) is plainly put, a baby you want to know. Not only does she have the world best disposition but her smile could brighten the day of even the crouchiest of old men.

When I stood up at her family birthday dinner and raised a glass (yep every event gets a toast from Mom and yep the 'ugh not again' eyes are usually in full effect) I told my littlest love that she is the person I didn't realize I needed. Jess is such a great addition to this family it's hard to describe. It's like that great friend that you don't see enough but when you finally do your bucket is so full at the end of the visit that you have a hard time not spilling some water out getting to the car. I feel so complete having her in my life. And no I'm not going to throw the Jerry McGuire "you complete me" line. But if I were, let's just say it would be fitting.

Now I'm a little cautious when it comes to religion and a little cautious when you throw around the word fate. But Jess makes me a believer in both. I am truly exciting to see this little person develop and grow. She's going to take us all for a ride. But, I have a feeling this will be a ride I want to be on.

Happy Birthday My Little Love!