The Socially Conscious Child

I'm watching my three little blued eyed sweethearts at the breakfast table the other day listening to their Daddy explain why a free market is so great.  Alex gave up after she couldn't figure out why it was bad for the price of apples (in Rick's example) couldn't be determined by the government. Good ole Gabby was hanging on to every word trying to really figure it all out.  The little one was just wondering why there was all this apple talk and no actual apples at breakfast.  Our house is always filled with conversation and messages about what is happening in the world.  Makes me wonder if every child is growing up being so "aware".

I can still remember sitting at Starbucks having breakfast before getting ready to take our first trip to Disneyland with our then two kids.  We were trying to get Alex to pick her theme for her birthday party.  Here we were surrounded by princesses, pink galore, Disney extravaganza.  What does my little darling pick as her theme?  Save the World.  I can still remember looking at her, jaw dropped, quickly followed with a, " say what?".  She had heard us talk so much about how important it was to save the world with recycling, planting, etc.  So being in the happiest place on Earth wasn't going to change the fact she thought saving the World sounded like a pretty darn good theme.  And let me tell you that still stands out in my mind as one of our better parties. Plus just the fact she came up with it meant during one of my many rantings about recycling or turning off the precious water, she was actually listening.

Then take my Gabby who two weeks ago ran across some paper puzzles that once put together spelled out a great message about recycling. Well that gal gathered up all 10 of those extra puzzles, handed them out to her classmates sitting around before school, asked them all to put them together, and then asked her teacher if she could hang them up around school.  How proud I was to see one hanging up on the front office door.

Obviously I am a pretty passionate soul.  It doesn't take much to get me excited about a story, a great cause, you name it.  Seeing my little people jump up and take action fills my heart with such joy. Sure you can sit down and read about people doing great things or you can take action.  I hope that's the road my girls take.  I hope they care about what is going on in their world. That they pick up a paper and give two hoots about people on the other side of the world that are struggling.   I hope if they can give a dime or a dollar, they will and will appreciate how lucky they are to be able to do that.  But most of all, I just hope they are aware.  The people that live in their own magic bubble of happiness.  Well...more power to them.  I prefer to live being happy but firmly aware and socially conscious.

Mother's Day Week

This was a tough one since I had a completely different post in mind for this week, but switched mid-way since it is Mother's Day week (as I was told).  On Monday I came home to little girls running up and down the hall, whispered conversations and numerous pinkie promises that I would no go into the kitchen. The girls had created a face on a place made out of salami - too cute.  A Happy Mother's Day sign on the floor made with muffins liners and a few other hand-made specialties.  They announced it was Mother's Day week and I have felt spoiled every day.  So I've been thinking all this week about what a great gig this Motherhood this and also how honored I feel to know so many fabulous Mothers.

As I'm sure I've said before, if I could take a snapshot of myself as a Mother with each of my three kids I could honestly say that I have definitely changed.  Some is just out of sheer necessity.  But most has come from making a hell of a lot of mistakes, watching other Moms, and (although sometimes I hate to admit it) doing what my Mom did.  I did not have a bad childhood by any standards, but there are definitely some things I wish had been different. Don't we all. I can remember thinking 'boy I really love how my Mom does that' and then on the contrary, 'when I have kids I'm never...'.  But when you have kids it's hard not to fall back on what you know, how you were raised.  I honestly think you aren't the Mother you really want to be until the second or third kid.  By then you can slow down and stop and think about what you are doing and saying.  You can add in your own style and beliefs and remove those things you always said you wouldn't do.  Maybe it's just part of getting older and coming into your own.  Who knows.  I just know I like the Mom I am now and a little part of me questions whether or not Gabby and I would be closer if I had started out this way.  Live and learn huh?

I had to laugh yesterday as I sat at one of these Mommy and Me events taking in all the busy Mommy's.  You could spot the newbies and the veterans.  Jess was sitting next to a little girl and when the song called for everyone to shake hands my sweet angel held out her hand and got snubbed by a girl with a nasty little face. And yes I felt like leaning over and telling her that she should watch out or her face may stay that way (yep that's a throw back to my Mom) :)  But I refrained.  Anyways...The Mom's just sat idly by missing a full on teachable moment. Reminded me of how many great things I have learned from Mom's about how I don't want to Mother.  


As I navigate through the day I am so grateful for all the people that have influenced and modeled for me behaviors.  Some good, some bad.  All those people have helped me define the person that I want to be and therefore the Mother that I want to be.  It's really a constantly changing role.  One that needs altering for each child, each situation. So I draw on the past and my childhood. I pull from people in my life. My Mom, who in my mind does it all, with style I might add, inspires me everyday.  My various girlfriends who balance work, volunteering, Motherhood, and leaping tall buildings in a single bound.  My husband who knows how to bring fun to any situation, a love of life that inspires everyone, and who has been known to throw on the Mom's hat and wear it just fine.  And to all those friends that are just so darn loving and wonderful that they make me want to be a better person and to pass that on to my children.  So even though I didn't eat my salami face to celebrate Mother's Day week, I definitely feel loved and I celebrate being a Mom and thank those that made me the Mom I am.

Spring is a time for bloomin

When I came to pick up Jess the other day from her daycare I was greeted/bombarded at the door by all the three year olds each chattering away telling a different story.  It was funny to see them all vying for attention and how I could listen to them and actually understand what they were saying.  I made a comment to their sitter that it definitely was obvious who was getting ready to turn three and start preschool.  It's like when you're mid way into springtime before you realize you haven't had to throw on a sweater in months.  Almost without awareness, your little people blossom right before your eyes. Sure it's happening a little everyday, but one day the whip of their wings trying to flap almost knocks you down.

I remember it clearly when it happened with Alex.  We were on a trip to Napa with my parents and Grandpa Bruce was getting ready to unplug the DVD player we had brought along.  Alex who was muttering, at best, those days walked right up to him and said 'Bruce what are you doing!'  We all stood there, mouths open wide, astonished that a complete sentence had actually left her mouth.  It was almost as if Alex had been waiting to walk until she could form a coherent thought.  Our little overachiever.  

Gabby always loved to talk. Heck still does.  I have the cutest picture of Rick leaning down close to her face and the two of them chatting away. She was all of two months.  She was a great babbler.  Even today I have to remind her to take a breath in between babbles.  

So all these wonderful memories flooded my mind as I watched my littlest one and her buddies talk, laugh, and actually understand what the other was saying. There is something so wonderful about kids finally being able to communicate.  But again, just another sign that we are moving into another stage.  Preschool is just around the corner. The constant "I can do it myself" comments will ring throughout the house.  We already want to pick out our own clothes.  Oh my.  Yes it's going to be an exciting summer.     

Seriously...you make the call

I've been making note of this strange phenomenon for the past year or so, but it took finally sitting down with a good straight shootin friend of mine this week to finally put the words on what is actually going on.  Stay home Mom's almost have too much time to think about stuff and therefore can't make a decision to save their lives.  Wow I know that's a harsh statement. I feel like I can say that though because I also stay home.  I feel like my decision making skills have definitely fallen to the wayside.  Now ask me if I think buying two boxes of cereal for the price of one is a good decision and I will jump all over that answer.  But ask me something that requires some thought and actual problem solving and whoa nelly you can almost hear those rusty wheels a cranking.

I have had a lot of fun working on different committees and groups at school this year, but almost everything that I have delegated out I have received a call about.  "Can we talk about this, so I can get more information?"  "Could you explain more what you are looking for?"  What I really want to tell these gals is that I'm looking for is someone just to do what I asked and not want to talk about it.  Make a decision.  Put down your latte and remember what it was like before the little people were calling all the shots.  I too feel like I get bossed around half the day.  Heck we have jokingly started calling the littlest one "The Boss".  And I say jokingly with a grimace.  We are running around picking up this, volunteering here, fluttering there and we have forgotten what it is like to just take care of business.  

I look at one of my best friends who is a full (to the fullest) time worker, Mom of two, Girl Scout leader, etc,etc.  You are getting an idea of her awesomeness.  You ask her about something and she just takes care of it.  She 
doesn't need a lot of clarification or hand holding. She is business.  I love that.

So does this affect all Mommy's that stay home?  If you stay home part of the time are you only partially rendered inept at quick thinking?  I don't know maybe if I worked full time I could answer these questions.  Hee hee.  Oh well I guess when you get down to it Mom's are usually quick at making decision when their kids are involved.  Truthfully that's the most important thing anyway, I guess I can cut them a little slack on the other stuff. 

Hearts of Gold

I leaned down to pick up the 100th piece of paper off the ground in one of my kids rooms, grumbling all the while, and it was in my hands to crumble up when I turned it over and realized it was a picture of a big heart and it had my name on it.  Then I walked out in the hall and I looked at our bedroom door and I saw a sign that Gabby had made that was a beautiful flower with two sides that I could turn one way to let people know I was sleeping and the other way when I woke up. As I walked down the hall to the kitchen passing all these little pieces of paper I noticed my grumbling voice started to subside just a little and a small smile started to take form.  Sure we kill half a rainforest a day, but my kids are spreading the love.  The first thing they think about doing for someone is drawing a picture or giving them a note.  Is that really so bad?  


With the first child I kept every single scrap of anything she laid a crayon on.  I believed everything to be a work of art. A true van Gogh.   Well, ok, that last part hasn't changed. But throw in a few more kids and I have just had to be more select.  It's tough though.  You have all the pictures they draw where there is their rendition of the entire family.  Or the picture of the heart and your name is in center. Come on now. What are you heartless?  How do you take that one to the recycle bin?  When they are driving you crazy, sometimes it's the simple glance to the magnetic board seeing that picture they poured their heart into with a smiley at the bottom, that pulls you from the edge.


Last night we were having a long evening.  Blame it on spring, first week back from spring break, who knows.  The two oldest were not being nice to the baby, the oldest one lied to her Dad, etc, etc.  Needless to say,  I was happy when I heard snores coming from all rooms.  A new day came and in amongst the hustle and bustle of the morning I saw a white heart taped to our glass doors in our room that simply said, "sorry Dad."  Gabby had either gotten up sometime in the night or early in the morning and tip toed in to place it so Rick would see it.  Yes, the lying is horrible but the core of that kid is pure gold.  


I guess all these little pieces of paper help remind me that even when they are acting up or not being nice to each other, these are three of the most loving kids I have run across.  So when I find these pieces of paper, sure I throw away some.  I have to, my house is only so big.  But I have to really stop and think about it because I know a little piece of them went into that creation.  A little piece of their heart.  Something I am so grateful for.

One Like Daddy

My girls are just now getting to the age where there is lots of emphasis on who they like and who they will marry, etc.  Trust me I am quick to chime in that college graduation, getting a nice job, then getting married would be my preferred order of events.  But it's actually pretty cute to listen to them talk about boys. Their criteria for if they like a boy is still based on whether they are funny or goofy.  However, if you think about it isn't that the way it should always be.  I keep telling the girls they really should be just looking for someone like their Dad.  But am I just setting them up to spend their adult life looking for the unattainable.  

The big girls and I were sitting waiting for their swim lessons to start the other day and for some reason Gabby wanted to make a list of all the things her Dad and I do.  I told her I needed a half sheet, but that she probably didn't have enough paper to cover her Dad's accomplishments and hobbies.  I mean fine, he's won teacher of the year twice and is a rock star coach, but that barely starts to peel away the onion if you will.  Brewer, photographer, surfer, surf board builder, woodworker, home builder, green gardener, graduate student, perpetual learner...Uh I've gotta stop and take a rest.  See what I mean?  We are talking about an interesting creature here.  This is not your average come home from work, sit on the sofa, drink a beer and grunt at the kids kind of Dad.  You ask him a question and he helps you research it (but he's so darn smart, he probably already knows the answer).  You have an idea for something you want to make, he grabs his tools. He's action Dad.  

I can almost hear my poor girls now, "I really think this guys is cute but...".  I know I couldn't have married someone that does nothing but sit around.  My Dad is a builder, a reader, surfer...hummm I'm seeing a pattern.  I guess I did look for a lot of the same traits.  My only concern is my girls trying to find someone with all the traits or skills their Dad has.  He just has so many.  When I stop to think about him I truly become in ah of him.  Someone at work called him a modern day savant and jokingly asked me if I ever feel like Jan Brady.  If I didn't love him so much I would be screaming "Marsha Marsha Marsha!".

So what advice will I give my poor girls when they get older?  Your Dad is an original?  They aren't all like him?  Or should I encourage them to search for someone just as interesting as him?  I guess some combination of the above.  I would like to believe that his being with me and my family has helped expose him to some of the things he is interested in today.  Who knows if that's true.  I just know my girls have a great role model.  And I pity the poor fella who comes home to dinner and gets asked the dreaded, "so tell me about yourself" by ole RR.

Not cut from the same cloth

So in amongst all the celebrating of my middlest angel I couldn't help but stop and think about how truly different all three of my girls really are.  I mean you raise them the same. Read them the same books. Teach them from your same novel of parenting.  But darn if those little buggers aren't so darn different and special.  

Case in point...I couldn't help but think about one of my favorite Alex stories the other day.  Alex had to be 5 and Gabby 6.  We had come home only to find that one of their fish had departed to the big fish bowl in the sky.  Rick wasn't home, so I gathered my thoughts and decided I would go with the shortened circle of life story.  I pulled them both up onto Gabby's bed close to me, told them about how this sort of think happened, the fish had a nice life with us, etc. Heck I was crying myself.  I look out at the audience and we have Gabby, eyes full of tears and sorrow.  Her face is expressing true mourning for the fish.  I half expected her to break into one of her spontaneously written songs, with musical accompaniment of course.  Then I look over at Alex.  Or should I say Dr. Alex.  Her eyes are dry.  At least she isn't smiling and she does let me finish before asking the only question that was on her mind, "when can we flush the other fish?".  Uh...yep mourning time over.

And then we have the more recent story of me getting breakfast ready and telling Rick about some new songs we had downloaded, but how first I wanted to share a video I had seen at the gym about quadriplegic soccer players.  So I'm telling all about this story that I found so interesting and inspiring and everyone is nodding and seems interested.  I'm almost done and then my little sweet Alex looks at me and says, "But what about Usher?".  She was referring to wanting to hear the new Usher song we had downloaded the night before that I had mentioned playing.  God love my sweetheart, she definitely knows how to stop a conversation.  Luckily she also has a great sense of humor since 'what about Usher' has become our new favorite joke when someone abruptly ends a conversation or just says something weird. 

Now so we don't think she has some sort of aspergers or social disorder, there are a million other examples I could think of when she has let that big heart of hers shine.  But even as an infant she has definitely made you earn that heart.  She isn't like Gabby or even Jess for that matter.  Her first inclination is not to run up and give you a hug, but I can tell you that over the years I think we have broken her down.   She is always the first one to give me a big hug in the morning now.


So I keep on reading from my same books and giving my same speeches on rights and wrongs, but when I do my tuck ins at night I'm still kissing my dramatic nature lover, my overly intelligent sensitive soul, and my energetic stubborn wild child.  But that's what makes this ride so fun.  They get along, but are oh so different.  Definitely never boring.