Super Sensitive

I was at work the other day and there happened to be this speaker that came to talk about distracted driving.  Now I didn't happen to make it to the presentation myself, but I was talking with a male co-worker, father of three, after the presentation and he was telling me all about it.  The speaker went on and told some great stories to our student about the dangers of driving while distracted, gave statistics, etc.  But then came the whammy.  Her son was killed in a car accident where the driver was being pressured to drive quickly, he wasn't wearing a seat belt, and his story came to a tragic end.  The teacher and I both agreed that the story was heart breaking, but what we most agreed on was the fact that when you become a parent something gets turned on inside you that makes you highly sensitive to hearing stories where there are kids involved. 

I've always had a great imagination.  Heck, I'm an only child who had more imaginary friends than I care to admit.  Of course I have a good imagination.  When I read a story, I start channeling Picasso and get busy painting that picture.  I also tend to be a little on the passionate side. When I read a story about injustice or the like I tend to get a little excited.  Can you tell I'm downplaying that a bit.  Yeah I get really excited.  This combination was problematic enough and led me to turn off the nightly news before going to bed.  Then eight years ago we threw in the cherry on top by becoming a Mother.  If you couldn't tell from my other posts, my family is my life.  So when I read a story in the paper or hear a story on the news about a child being hurt or killed, my heart hurts. But it's not just a sympathetic 'ah that's too bad kind of hurt'.  It's a pain that is indescribable.  It's the same pain you feel when you look at your child and know you can't make them feel better.  Or the pain you feel when they are crying out your name and even if you're choosing to ignore it, the ache is still there.  As my co-worker so perfectly stated, "something just happens the second you have a child, you just feel more." 

I'll be perfectly honest there are some days I would love to turn this "feel feature" off.  I love that my heart is bursting each time I set eyes on or even think about my three little people.  But balancing all that love with all the scary stuff going on in the world can just turn a persons heart inside out.  I think that heightened "feel feature" might just be one of those perks of being a parent that no one mentions because it's kind of not a perk.  It's just something that you take along with the job because the rest of the gig is so awesome. 

Right of Passage

My two oldest girls just had their first sleepover during the Christmas break.  I had held off on doing the sleep over because I said they were "too young".  But I finally gave in to peer pressure (aka Rick) and let them do it.  Truth be told I think I held off because I wasn't ready not because they weren't.  I wasn't ready to have them be out of my grasp and from under my watchful eye.  Control freak much?  Can't you hear the helicopter blades screeching above your head?  And wouldn't you know it, they had a great time.  It started me thinking about all the rights of passage that kids go through.  I remember having a sleep over at my house.  I remember my first TV crush.  I love you Ricky Schroeder!!!  I wish I still had that autographed picture.  Took six months for me to get, but man was I excited.  I remember begging my Mom to let me wear make up and her finally agreeing to every other day. Although somehow I just happened to convince her that 'nope I didn't wear it yesterday'.  And what about the ear piercing? That has already come up in our house.  So many things you go through as a kid.  A sleep over is really small potatoes. 

But this whole sleep over business just got me thinking...What's next?  My oldest is eight. Reasonably speaking we aren't really that far from potentially having our first crush on someone be it on the big screen (hopefully) or in real life.  We are only five years away from when I promised she could get her ears pierced.  Eek.  Here I am watching the little one finally learn how to jump with both feet while my oldest is sleeping over and having opinions about clothing and just basically ripping through life like a tornado. 

I have to admit the only exciting part to this whole lose of childhood has been to watch how my two girls have matured this past year.  I recently had a terrible migraine and I just wasn't able to rally.  Lex took the little one back and made sure she went potty and washed her hands, Gabby put her down for a nap and then started in on her homework, and then both of them were so quiet and let me sleep.  I was so incredibly grateful at that moment that I had two older girls to help out.   Sometimes I feel like I spend so much time missing them as babies that I forget to stop and be thankful for the wonderful little people that they have become. 

So I guess I need to get on the bus, strap on the belt and get ready for those rights of passage. I can try to postpone, prolong the inevitable, but they are coming.  They should bring me nothing but joy because they are a sign my wonderful girls are growing up.  I guess I should find a little humor.  It could be worse...their walls could be covered with Michael Jackson posters and they could be kissing their Ricky Schroeder autographed (did I mention that) picture before heading into bed.  We aren't there yet.  They still think their Dad hung the moon, at least for a little while longer. 

When is it too much?

I am among the fortunate ones to be a part-time stay home Mommy and part-time worker bee.  Each of my jobs I truly cherish and God love my husband for working so hard and allowing me the opportunity to have those two jobs.  But...I digress.  Since I'm home for part of the time I thought 'heck why not take on a few more roles this year'.  So I dawned my stylish volunteer cap and became a Girl Scout leader for my girls troop, a member of the School Site Council at school, helped out at the school walk-a-thon, volunteered to take the school recycling every Friday to the recycling drop off, baked at every possible school event, blah, blah, blah.  Basically if there was a job to be done, my name was on the list.  Honestly, people almost expected my name to be on a list. I would have people call me and make sure I was ok if they didn't see my name.  Now, don't get me wrong I love volunteering.  I get a personal high off helping people and it's a complete feel good for me.  But at the end of the year I ended exhausted and feeling a little sour.

I had scheduled a few too many events on one day in particular .  There was some running involved and maybe a brief rocking in the corner episode but I had managed to get everything in place for both events.  While I was running wild I kept in my mind that the girls would love it and the parents would love it and that would bring the joy for me.  Well the girls had fun and a few parents said it was nice, but the girls weren't appreciative and some didn't seem like they gave a rats.  I wasn't expecting fanfare, but a few thank you's or at least a 'this was fun' would have made all the difference.  I was even disappointed that some of the parents that I expected to help out didn't bother.  Kind of reminded me of when you spend that extra time making your kids that fun lunch and cutting their sandwiches in cute animal shapes and they don't even realize what you have done.  "HELLO those are ducks and frogs on your plates kids, not just a sandwich!  Wake up!!"

Anyways...I got over not having rose petals thrown at my feet, but it got me thinking about going overboard and doing too much.  Would the kids have been just as happy if I threw out a box of cookies and said 'here you go' as opposed to setting up a decorating station with homemade sugar cookies?  Could I just have worked an hour shift at the walk-a-thon instead of two full days in which I really  missed the entire event because I was trapped behind a table selling food not interacting with my kids?  Could I pick one event to give a baked good for instead of five? 

I guess with the new year this is the time to prioritize and really think about my time.  I think it might be time to draw some lines.  Does it mean I won't give when I can?  As my sweet Baby J would say "NO way!"  But I think I will definitely look at cutting back and making sure my giving isn't cutting into time I want to be spending doing other things.  Because truth be told, I'm home to spend time with my three little loves not prove I'm volunteer of the year.  Heck why stop at volunteer of the year.  I'm going for the big prize baby!  Watch out Mom's.  I'm going for the Mom of the Year.  Well at least in this house.